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Breaking Yawn: SurlyGurls Review of Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Part 1)

Finally! The big day is here; the wedding of Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson)! The fourth movie in the Twilight “Saga” begins with the invitations to this unholy union going out to all the friends and family. Believe us when we tell you that the excitement doesn’t stop with the intricate workings of the postal service.

As with the other ‘Twilight‘ movies, the main conflict in this supernatural soap opera is the love triangle between Bella and Edward and Jacob (Taylor Lautner). So, you don’t need to posses Alice’s clairvoyance to see that Jacob is going to be none to pleased when he gets that invite. We weren’t overly surprised with his immature and melodramatic reaction either, which resulted in him fleeing from that single piece of paper like it was a t-shirt threatening to veil his rippling abs.

Speaking of, Jacob’s hasty retreat does present the opportunity for him to rip his shirt off in a record-breaking three seconds after appearing on-screen!

Edward, wanting to get in on the melodrama decides it would be a great idea to tuck his bride-to-be in with some charming bedtime stories about his year of killing. Despite Edward’s claims about what a monster he was, he was actually doing society a favour with his Dexter-style feeding patterns.

Aside from all the whining and bitching, the actual wedding was beautiful. Kudos, Alice! The wedding scene also provided the first of many montages. The montage of speeches at the reception was both humorous and heart-warming.

Sadly, this scene is the only one in which Anna Kendrick appears. She was really funny and brought a sense of authenticity to her character.

The honeymoon gave us the next funny and useful montage in the film; fourteen days of playing chess and Bella awkwardly prancing around in lingerie was pretty entertaining and amusing. To be completely honest the first 40 minutes of the movie were not horrible, but once Bella starts showing that baby bump the movie takes a terrible turn.

The rest of the movie is just interspersed whining and bitching between a series of unnecessary and long montages set to generic, middle of the road singer-songwriter ballads.

How many montages of Bella’s rapidly enlarging spawn sack, longing and unsatisfied gazes at each other or the wolf pack running through the woods does one movie need?

In fact, why does this movie need to be broken up into two parts!? We can understand that two movies can make more money than just one, but why edit out several plot points when you’re trying to stretch out an already weak story?

The fact of the matter is this movie is boring. Nothing happens. At all. There is a wedding, a honeymoon and the unplanned pregnancy of a demon spawn, which sounds exciting, but it’s not – definitely not the fun of an episode of ‘Teen Mom’.

The second part of ‘Breaking Dawn’ is set for release one year from now and we’re sure there will be plenty more montages to behold.

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About surlygurls

We’re two SurlyGurls brought together by a love of all things awesome and an equal hate of all things which are an affront to awesomeness everywhere.

Posted on November 21, 2011, in ENTERTAINMENT, MOVIES & FILMS, PREMIERES, REVIEWS and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. WHAT there is going to be ANOTHER twilight movie after this? I thought the last one was the final one, and then I thought this new one was the last one! Holy hell! They are milking this to the last drop! On another note, who is Alice?

  2. Love the pun. Agree that NOTHING HAPPENS in this movie, which might explain why Alice couldn’t see some stuff. Difficult to see what isn’t there.

  1. Pingback: Breaking Dawn Part 1 « Three Sixty

  2. Pingback: Some crazy s#!% goes down at the Cullen House… « geekgirl's random ramblings….

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