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New in Theatres · April 06, 2012

Another week, another batch of unnecessary sequels and old re-releases.

This week reunites movie audiences with the ol’ ‘American Pie’ gang. They’re all back and for the most they are all  just happy to be working again. It’s been a little over 10 years since we all first met them – so a big fail to whoever planned the 10 year reunion three years too late! But, is this really a reunion worth attending? We doubt it. Like most actual high school reunions, which are fun in theory they are lame and boring in practice.

Speaking of reunions! Everyone’s favourite doomed lovers are back too! Now you can watch Jack and Rose party down in steerage, do the nasty in the backseat of a Renault and fail to figure out how to get TWO people on that goddamn door – in 3-D!!
Thankfully, James Cameron didn’t go crazy and pull a “Lucas” with the re-release of ‘Titanic’, but he did make one change at the request of beloved and awesome astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson. So this time when you see ‘Titanic’ you’ll notice that the stars are in the EXACT position they were on the night of April 14th 1912! Apparently, Tyson just couldn’t fully enjoy watching people freeze to death in the Atlantic with all those wildly distracting inaccuracies in night sky.
But, despite all that extra work, I will be too busy looking at Billy Zane and wondering what the hell he did with his career to notice some new shiny stars!

AMERICAN REUNION
Save the best piece for last.

Directing: Jon Hurwitz, Hayden Schlossberg
Writing: Adam Herz (characters), Jon Hurwitz, Hayden Schlossberg (screenplay)
Starring: Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Seann William Scott, Chris Klein

Price of Admission will get you: the class of ’99 together again and ready to thrust their junk into the same old franchise formula. Besides, everyone knows that only losers go to their high school reunions – and this movie proves that point perfectly!

Running Time · 113 min
Genre · Comedy
Rating · R

TITANIC (3D)
Nothing On Earth Could Come Between Them.

Directing: James Cameron
Writing: James Cameron
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Billy Zane, Kathy Bates        

Price of Admission will get you: the same movie you got back in 1997. Unfortunately even with all the fancy new 3D effects – they still don’t see that iceberg until it is too late.

Running Time · 194 min
Genre · Adventure / Drama / History / Romance
Rating · PG-13

Also In Limited Release:

DAMSELS IN DISTRESS
Directing: Whit Stillman
Starring: Greta Gerwig, Adam Brody, Analeigh Tipton, Megalyn Echikunwoke
Running Time · 99 min
Genre · Comedy
Rating · PG-13

WE HAVE A POPE
Directing: Nanni Moretti
Starring: Michel Piccoli, Nanni Moretti, Jerzy Stuhr, Renato Scarpa
Running Time · 102 min
Genre · Drama
Rating · NR

THE HUNTER
Directing: Daniel Nettheim
Starring: Willem Dafoe, Sam Neill, Morgana Davies, Jacek Koman
Running Time · 100 min
Genre · Adventure / Drama
Rating · R

KEYHOLE 
Directing: Guy Maddin
Starring: Jason Patric, Isabella Rossellini, Udo Kier, Brooke Palsson
Running Time · 94 min
Genre · Drama / Thriller
Rating · R

WE THE PARTY
Directing: Mario Van Peebles
Starring: Mario Van Peebles, Snoop Dogg, Michael Jai White, Salli Richardson-Whitfield
Running Time · 84 mins
Genre · Comedy
Rating · R

COMIC-CON EPISODE IV: A FAN’S HOPE
Directing: Morgan Spurlock
Starring: Kevin Smith, Stan Lee, Eli Roth, Seth Rogen
Running Time · 88 min
Genre · Documentary
Rating · PG-13

ATM
Directing: David Brooks
Starring: Alice Eve, Josh Peck, Brian Geraghty, Aaron Hughes
Running Time · 90 min
Genre · Horror / Thriller
Rating · R

TAKE ME HOME
Directing: Sam Jaeger
Starring: Sam Jaeger, Amber Jaeger, Victor Garber, Lin Shaye
Running Time · 97 min
Genre · Comedy / Romance
Rating · PG-13

THE ASSAULT
Directing: Julien Leclercq
Starring: Vincent Elbaz, Grégori Derangère, Mélanie Bernier, Philippe Bas
Running Time · 91 min
Genre · Action / Thriller
Rating · R

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About surlygurls

We’re two SurlyGurls brought together by a love of all things awesome and an equal hate of all things which are an affront to awesomeness everywhere.

Posted on April 6, 2012, in MOVIES & FILMS, NEW IN THEATRES, WEEKEND PREVIEW and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I would like to see the COmic COn movie…since I will probably never actually go!

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