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Summer T.V. Premieres – June 7, 2012

Remember the good old days when season finales meant you got to escape the grasp of your television for a mere 3 months of the year? You got to get outside and enjoy the company of actual people? There are so many premieres happening tonight it’s like September has come early…only with really shitty offerings.

Apparently NBC and FOX are competing to have the absolute worst take on the “Dating Game”. NBC will be creating some kind of terrible Frankenstein’s monster of reality game shows with ‘Love In The Wild’ at 8 PM. It’s a little bit ‘Survivor’, a little bit ‘Fear Factor’ and a little bit ‘The Bachelor’. At the same time FOX will premiere ‘Take Me Out’, a show in which 30 women will compete for one man by turning a light podium off and on. If that sounds like the worst part, it’s not, this show is hosted by the always irritating George Lopez.

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Spring T.V. Premieres – Mar 23, 2012

If you’re one of the few people not flocking to the theatres tonight to see ‘The Hunger Games’, you’ll be happy to know that the small screen does have some excitement in store for you!

The big news tonight: Castiel is back!!! Everyone’s favourite not-so-naive-anymore angel returns to ‘Supernatural’ in tonight’s episode airing on the CW at 9 PM. In our opinion, he’s been gone WAY too long and this news is ALMOST enough to keep us away from the theatres as well…almost. God love the PVR!

Everyone’s favourite dimension-jumping crime-fighting team is back tonight at 9 PM on FOX when ‘Fringe’ finally returns with a whopping 8 new episodes in a row. While we think JJ Abrams is a freaking genius and we love a good multi-dimensional sci-fi story, we’ve fallen out of love with ‘Fringe’ lately. Oh, we’ll watch it to the end, as we are fiercely loyal, but we wouldn’t be surprised to see it axed from the schedule next year.

Spring T.V. Premieres – Mar. 22, 2012

Tonight is going to be a slow one on the television.

FOX is premiering its newest hour-long drama, ‘Touch’, at 9 PM tonight. Somehow it seems like this show has been on for weeks now with all the advertising they have been doing.

Kiefer Sutherland returns to television as a dad with an autistic son who sees the whole universe in numbers. Jack Bauer he isn’t. We’re sure there are going to be some heart-warming moments between father and son, and some life-affirming lessons throughout the season. That still isn’t enough to make us invest a single moment in this show.

Spring T.V. Premieres – Mar. 8, 2012

Brace yourself Canada….Abby Lee Miller and her troupe of tiny terrors are back for another season of tutus and tantrums.

Slice will be airing the new season of the So-Bad-I-Can’t-Look-Away ‘Dance Moms’ at 9 PM. Then, as if one hour of a large woman yelling at small girls and their insane mothers wasn’t enough, you can watch yet another episode at 10 PM.

If two hours of overbearing moms pushing their kids to do better isn’t how you would like to spend your Thursday evening, you could always tune into the spring finale of ‘The Finder’ at 8 PM on FOX. Of course, even Walter Sherman would be hard pressed to “find” anyone that even watches that show. We’re convinced it was created so that the actors from ‘Bones’ would have something to do while Emily Deschanel has her baby.

Spring T.V. Premieres – Mar. 6, 2012

We can not explain how excited we are for tonight’s premiere! After waiting and hoping and wondering if the show would survive into it’s second season, ‘Breaking In’ is back!

FOX has brought back the quirky show about the coolest private security company of all time to round out their Tuesday night comedy lineup at 9:30 PM. It’s the perfect pairing with our beloved ‘New Girl’.

Seriously, we would KILL to work for Contra Security. We love the collection of super nerds and outcasts on the team…we would totally fit in! Also, we’re fiercely loyal to our favourite actors and we love our boy Bret Harrison (check out this amazing short film he was in.)

Don’t forget, ‘Raising Hope’ has moved into it’s new time slot on FOX starting tonight as well. You can find the kooky Chance Family on at 8 PM now.

Midseason T.V. Premieres – Jan. 23, 2012

It was a quiet weekend on the premieres front, but now that Monday has arrived there is lots happening!

Premiering tonight on Oxygen at 10 PM is the horror show that is ‘Bad Girls Club: Las Vegas’. We just can’t seem to understand why people like this show. Unlike ‘America’s Next Top Model’ where all the girls are competing for a lucrative future, these girls are literally fighting to see which one can be the “baddest”. Though we’ve never actually seen this show, we’re assuming that means whoever can be the biggest bitch or slut…or both.

Returning to the The CW this evening is ‘Hart of Dixie’ at 9 PM. Zoe Hart and the wacky citizens of Bluebell, Alabama are back from an extended break over the holidays. This show is simply delightful – from Zoe’s short-shorts to the way Lavon Hayes refers to himself as Levon Hayes. And seriously, when is she going to wake up and realize how amazing Wade is?! We can’t wait for 9 PM!

Oh yeah, and ‘House’ is returning to FOX at 8 PM as well…if anyone still watches that show.

Midseaon T.V. Premieres – Jan. 17, 2012

It’s mid January, which is apparently the most depressing time of the entire year. You’ve received all your Christmas credit card bills and now you need a distraction? There are some great distraction options on the television tonight!

The CW is branching out into the ‘reality’ t.v. world with the series premiere of ‘Remodeled’ at 9 PM. From what we can tell, the premise of this show is some former superstar modeling agent is trying to makeover a bunch of small town agencies so the big names don’t destroy them. Sounds really, really boring to us.

Our favourite Geek Goddess returns to FOX tonight at 9 PM. ‘New Girl’ is finally back and we can not wait to see what Jess has in store for Schmidt’s birthday party. While we love Zooey to pieces, we’re willing to admit that Schmidt is one of the funniest characters on the show! We really want them to bring back that ‘Douchebag Jar’. He really, really needs it!

Also premiering tonight:

Southland – TNT 10 PM
Justified – FX 10 PM
Ink Master – Spike 10 PM

Also returning tonight:

Glee – FOX 8 PM
90210 – The CW 8 PM
Raising Hope – FOX 9:30 PM

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